On Thursday, August 21, 2008, I posted a link to a survey offering a selection of quotes from the blog “Creed Thoughts” (www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts) asking participants to select their ten favorite quotes. Personally, I find the 2nd place finisher a little disturbing. Judge for yourself.
Here is the list of the ten most popular quotes!
10th place - 48.5% of respondents voted for:
“Crab apples have a whole stinkload of benefits. Back when I was little, my grandpa used to stick a crab apple in my mouth every time I stuttered. And guess what? I don’t stutter anymore. Crap apples are tiny miracles.”
9th place - 54.5% of respondents voted for:
“I get most of my chow from the Vending Machines. Fills me up and it doesn’t empty my wallet. I don’t get why it’s just food in there, though. Why can’t they throw a pair of briefs in the machine for a buck? Sometimes mine break down and I don’t have next month’s pair with me, so vending machine skivvies would be the perfect replacement.”
8th place - 63.6% of respondents voted for:
“Don’t get me wrong; I’m not an actual merman. Mermen are terrible bastards and I don’t want to be associated with them in any way.”
5th place - 66.7% of respondents voted for (three-way tie):
- “Books are for table balancing and throwing at birds.”
- “Globes are great for hiding stuff. Nobody ever bothers to look inside a globe, and if they do, they’re probably really weak anyway, so you can just beat them up and run away.”
- “Every month or so, I’ll invent a new diet for myself that I stick to for about a week. Last month, I only ate watermelon seeds and bacon fat. This month, I’m thinking of trying out a squirrel diet: acorns, berries, assorted tree leaves, and, of course, squirrel. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
4th place - 69.7% of respondents voted for:
“Cakes that I do not enjoy: cupcakes. Why waste my time on a cupcake when I can get the real deal? Cupcakes should only be eaten in times of war or famine. Or when they’re filled with cream. That’s it.”
3rd place - 72.7% of respondents voted for:
“You know how it starts—first I start taking two aspirin every four hours and then I’m taking four extra-strength aspirin every two hours and all of a sudden I’m taking six uppers with a chaser of three downers and I’m walking around the mall dressed like the Easter Raccoon.”
2nd place - 75.8% of respondents voted for:
“You know what I found out? Menorahs make great weapons. Just swap out the candles with razor blades and you’re good to go.”
1st place - 78.8% of respondents voted for:
“I take as many naps as I possibly can – at home, at work, malls, public restrooms, adult movie theaters. At work, there’s this closet downstairs that’s filled with really comfortable mops. You bundle those mops together and you’ve got yourself an instant mattress. Not only that, you also end up getting a pretty good cleaning, depending on how much you roll around when you sleep. Most days I don’t even shower anymore because I know those mops will do the job for me.”
